It's not a very good photo is it? Too much going on in it, and too contrasty. Not to mention the low light levels. Thank goodness it's just for 'illustrative purposes' then.
As you can just about make out I've been having the morning coffee in a different part of the garden this week. This corner is normally too spidery and dull to comfortably sit in, but the addition of garlands has pepped it up a bit. And I'm still proud of the newly sumptuous pond so it is nice to sit near and gaze approvingly.
It has been beautiful: the weather is not too hot, not too chilly ; the birds are busy singing ; plants are happily growing in an attractively green way ; washing is drying on the line so there is a chance of putting another wash on and maybe seeing the bottom of the laundry bin ; and the man with the power tool seems to have gone away.
I was surrounded by peace and beauty ... and then guilt kicked in ... what have I done to deserve this loveliness? I can't see why Providence has allowed me this peace. I haven't paid for it by working hard. I haven't healed anyone of their pain. I haven't contributed to society, beyond producing the next generation. How did my karmic load tip towards this reward of pleasure?
Recently I have been struggling with these thoughts. My life has obediently progressed from the hard work of school and university, through the horror of full-time work, into the maelstrom of motherhood. Now however, like many other women at this stage of life, I can't see the path ahead. What are we supposed to do next? At each stage I had the feeling that I had earned any moment of beauty that came my way, however briefly. This is what life is about, I thought. You do your best at this 'living' thing - commuting, burping babies, doing exams, whatever - and then your luck temporarily changes and you have a good day. But what of now, when Life isn't asking anything of me (apart from patience, perhaps)? What have I given, to receive this?
Dunno. Perhaps the answer would only come after hours of intense meditation and a good chat with an archbishop or yogi guy.
To improve my karmic debt I would like to be able give this sense of contentment to other people. I have a little daydream of running a 'cafe in a garden' where people could sit outside, even if it is chilly, have a cup of tea and a nice cake, and feel this lovely feeling of relaxation sweep over them.
This is what is in the cafe:
- Victoria sponge at least 6 inches thick
- cushions and quilts and blankets
- china cups with saucers
- plenty of bunting
- cats roaming around the tables
- champagne
- flowers on the tables
- ponds and waterfalls
- hidden lights (supplied by my friend Rowan ;-) )
- huge umbrellas
- marquees for when it rains
- no sulky waitresses
- bantams
- peacocks?
- cucumber sandwiches without crusts
- inch thick toast
